failure is not the end

"Embrace my fall and move forward".

To be brave physically is easy, to be brace emotionally is the tough one.

Lately, a few minor setback causes me to lose my mind. It may be minor, but the compilation of all the minors had become one huge major problem! I was breaking out and breaking down. For starters was my assignment where I got no help, aside from my lab mate, my supervisor wasn't helping much and he doesn't give a damn to what I really do. I felt hopeless and was almost on the edge.

My mother wasn't helping much either and started giving me lectures about relationship, money advice and some other of her problems which I am really hoping not to bother. I started cutting myself on my left wrist but I was still afraid of getting physical pain, I just used my nails and left some deep red markings- no blood, no mess.

Aside that, I was still in contact with Sebastian, on some occasion for a particular reason but I know if this goes on, I'll really get to like him, and it will be a problem. I just have to block my heart, block my feelings, lock them up and threw them out. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it couldn't, again I have to embrace it and find something to keep myself busy to forget the moment.

However, at times I get lonely and think the most unusual stuff, the sad moment, the stupid moment, the happy moment, the self-conscious moment and finally went into depression and cried myself to sleep. It happens at time, I don't think I'm bipolar, or maybe I'm the minor one (I don't really know). I believe it happened to everyone, just that no one ever said they are.

Due to the fact that I'm susceptible to sweet words, I'm telling myself to close my heart and be cold to all compliments. To never reveal my weakness and never accept sweet words. I'll just pretend to accept with a 'thank you'.

pictures taken from tumblr.

xoxo luv sapphirejest

Chinese New Year party @ Vanity

Another asian party host by Nee Hao magazine. Well kudos to them for a successful event! I realize they must have love DJ Phat because he was also spinnin' at 'Syndicate sexy foam party'.

Anyhoodle, the organizer are probably quite weak in human resourcing skills. Well, the previous event was held on a Thursday and is in Syndicate, which I personally think is quite spacious and it turn out to have such small crowd, it look really pathetic. While this event in Vanity took place on Friday, oh come on, ever heard of TGIF? It was packed with lots of people till the bouncers wouldn't allow people to enter and the coat room was full!

Are you kidding me? This was the first time a coat room was full and everyone had to leave their coats on the coach! That wasn't even the funny part yet. At one point, the DJ asked everyone to squeeze to the back (which was already packed!) to give some space so the break dancers could bust some moves.

AGAIN, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I'm not in rage, but it is bewildering to have a bunch of break dancers showing their moves in the middle of a dance in the CLUB. I was really surprised! Beside, it was just the basic toprock, handstand, flare and it lasted about 5 minutes.

i was ecstatic 

Oh not to mention the repetition of songs I heard from the DJ. No offense but the songs were somewhat similar with the previous event. I am seriously bored with Gangnam style, it is FRIGGIN ANNOYING! Aside that, other songs were quite alright, probably I missed a few because when I suggested some songs, he mention he had played them. But he played Swedish House Mafia -don't worry child on my request, I was psyched!

Also I met a lad, danced and spent the whole night with him till 6am. Naw I didn't snog him, wasn't tipsy enough to do it. He's really sweet and I feel bad of lying my identity to him. Well, in my opinion, what's the point of telling someone your real name, is not as if they'll remember. I went to party, dance and enjoy the night away.

 quote from swedish house mafia  " WE CAME, WE RAVED, WE LOVED".

pictures from tumblr.


xoxo luv sapphirejest

My first encounter with SNOW

 I was awoke from the sound of an incoming message with two sentences from my flatmate. I quote "Uni is closed. Have you ever seen snow?" I quickly dash towards my window, climbed on my desk and drew my curtain and screamed "OMG SNOW!!!!"

Yes, I sounded like an innocent young child who had never seen snow, which is true because I had never actually seen snow with my own eyes! I was delirious! I opened my window, stuck my hand out to feel the snow, it was so wonderful, each snowdrop felt cool on my skin. I went out of my room to the kitchen, both of my flatmates were there. I told I want to go out now. I want to touch, play, kick and possibly eat the snow!! I was like a mad woman jumping around and squealing with excitement. It was all too much for me, I couldn't control.

Ange and I building snowman

Our snowman! our fingers were freezing lol

say CHEESE!

SNOWANGEL!

Finally, my flatmate and I went out to castlepark, made snowman, I made snowangel (though it wasn't clear) and I imprint my bum on a snow and wrote our names in the snow. But it didn't last! I went out again with another friend to Brandon Hill and it was packed with people sleighing!

Some sleigh with real sleighs while some took plastic bags and another use a broken baking tray, practically anything that could slide down that hill.

I will never forget that day! 18th January 2013 =)



xoxo luv sapphirejest

Recap end of 2012, start of 2013

Well, I supposed if the weatherman can't predict the weather, how would The Mayans predict the end of the world? So I end my 2012 with my aunt and her family in London eating home-cooked food while enjoying the loud and extravagantly fireworks displaying surrounding her place.

Winter break was almost over as I came back to Bristol. I still had a week left before my class starts so, my flatmate invited me to her friend's post-birthday party and we went to a club that we never knew it existed, Mr. Wolf's. I wouldn't want to offend anyone but I had some bad experience.

First of all, the club is really small and the bouncer wouldn't let us in and we had to stand under the rain, in the freezing weather for half hour. When we finally got it, things weren't any better. People are shoving while getting pass. Most of them have a glass of alcohol on their hands, so I was splashed all over and my flatmate was pushed so hard she fell on her bum. Some idiot bloke was pushing another bloke, and my flatmate (unluckily) was behind one of them.

I wasn't lucky either, some really fuck up bloke threw a beer bottle in the air, and it landed on my right ear. It was so painful and my ears was burning hot with stingy sensation! It was ridiculous! I lost my mood and urge my flatmate to return, she agreed and we left- a reminder to ourselves never to return to that club again.

Time pass really quickly, in a blink of an eye is already the month of February!

everyone in the club 

xoxo luv sapphirejest