Accutane victim!

For those who had gone through self-pity and disgusted look from others due to acne problem would probably have gone to resolve with accutane. The problem solver for acne, probably for cystic and eczema as well.

My problem actually started around the age of 18, when I was studying in University in KL. I think the humid weather, bad late night oily snacks and the dirt or dust surrounding the area was the cause of it. As, I never had any crucial facial problems, I never really know how to take care of my face and I used all those mainstream products on the shelves; simple, nivea, olay, clean & clear. I keep changing different facial wash as I think my face was probably gotten used to it and I need to use a more effective ingredient.

The problem became worse around 19 and my both cheek was so hideous I started to cry every night. I stayed away from mirrors and avoid spicy and oily food. I even try to wash my face whenever I reached my uni. I always end up in a sweaty state when I enter the class, it is a horrible site, probably why I was ugly.

Finally my dad couldn't take it any longer, he took me to the dermatologist and they recommended me their own face wash. I used it for half a year and it didn't work. Then only they recommended me accutane, the last resort. The derma did warn me the side effects about probable liver, heart or kidney defects from overdose of Vitamin A, but left out another important part- HAIR LOSS!

After consuming accutane for 3 months, I realize my hair was thinning and was falling more than the usual. I first thought it was because of the chemical I used as I dyed my hair before I ate accutane. So I went insane one day and cut off my hair to my chin length. However my hair never stop dropping, although it is true that a human hair fall averagely 100-150 per day, but mine was excessive and I was not born with thick locks. I visited the dermatologist again and asked her, she mentioned yes, that is one of the side effect.

So now, I mustn't eat any food that contain vitamin A and beta-carotene is one of the major source. In frustration, I searched for a way-out. Some mention that biotin helps, but it could cause breakouts. That means it is a cycle again, and I wouldn't want that to happen! I told myself not to purchase that supplement but rather feed on more vitamin C and E fruits and veggies and also direct vitamin C and E capsules.

I am really hoping my excessive hair fall will stop. Stupidly my tears have gone from my acne to my hair fall. I could never stop crying for myself! I am ridiculously a silly lass.

xoxo luv sapphirejest

That 3 months

It has been 3 months since I last wrote. Many things had happened- both sad and wonderful. To think about it, I realize the time has passed really quickly. I have been here in Bristol for 8 months and I still remember the first day my friends and I landed in Heathrow airport with big huge smile on our faces, and an appetite for adventure. We had absolutely no idea what may come and we were too excited to be living and studying abroad for the very first time!

And so, months gone by, I've submitted my dissertation (FYP) and didn't do very well on it. I have no idea why when I put so much effort into it. I cried bitterly for that few days when the result were out and I nearly lost all hope but manage to pull myself back. Then on the month of April, I had to study for my exams. It was a grueling month as I told myself I must concentrate on my exams and nothing else because I could never sit in my room for whole 2 days, I could die of boredom. Hence it was a tough month for me.

On the day of my FYP submission, I made a new friend. Well basically he is my classmate and we took two same subjects. He was always the first in class and waved to me and my friends whenever we enter the class and I didn't really liked him because he gave the feeling of a nerd and he was like a butt-licker to one of the lecturer. I was quite annoyed with his constant raising his hand to ask questions. He reminded me of Hermione but a guy version and not-so-good-looking one. (I'm just so mean). However, we became good friend and he became my study buddy as he was really patient with my ridiculous questions and weirdly kind too. I could say the quote "do not judge the book by it's cover" is true for this friend.

Finally my exams end at the 22nd May. My friend and I went for an event which the songs they played is not my cup of tea, but I was dragged along to go for that event "Love Save The Day'. However it was quite fun as I enjoyed the day out chilling in the park plus the weather is too gorgeous to missed!

Life is not all fun and crazy. My life is like a rollercoaster, there is ups and down. I believe it happens to everyone. I got a shocking news from my mum that my dad was diagnosed with cancer. They kept it from me because I was having exams and they didn't want me to lose focus. As exaggerating as it sound, I went into depression for two days, I wouldn't want to go out or meet anyone or even eat. I didn't have any strength in me to do anything, I was like a fish out of water. My eyes were like the tap. Tears could fall at any time and stop at any time. I couldn't control myself.

Then, I was too tired to be sad, I finally went out for some sunshine.

Lately, I am just lazing around in my room or talk a short walk around the city and plan for my coming holiday. It is my first ever backpacking experience and I'm partly afraid and partly excited at the same time.

So far, that's what been happening for the past 3 months.

I'll probably write something more interesting rather than my life story. Cheerio

xoxo luv sapphirejest