failure is not the end

"Embrace my fall and move forward".

To be brave physically is easy, to be brace emotionally is the tough one.

Lately, a few minor setback causes me to lose my mind. It may be minor, but the compilation of all the minors had become one huge major problem! I was breaking out and breaking down. For starters was my assignment where I got no help, aside from my lab mate, my supervisor wasn't helping much and he doesn't give a damn to what I really do. I felt hopeless and was almost on the edge.

My mother wasn't helping much either and started giving me lectures about relationship, money advice and some other of her problems which I am really hoping not to bother. I started cutting myself on my left wrist but I was still afraid of getting physical pain, I just used my nails and left some deep red markings- no blood, no mess.

Aside that, I was still in contact with Sebastian, on some occasion for a particular reason but I know if this goes on, I'll really get to like him, and it will be a problem. I just have to block my heart, block my feelings, lock them up and threw them out. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it couldn't, again I have to embrace it and find something to keep myself busy to forget the moment.

However, at times I get lonely and think the most unusual stuff, the sad moment, the stupid moment, the happy moment, the self-conscious moment and finally went into depression and cried myself to sleep. It happens at time, I don't think I'm bipolar, or maybe I'm the minor one (I don't really know). I believe it happened to everyone, just that no one ever said they are.

Due to the fact that I'm susceptible to sweet words, I'm telling myself to close my heart and be cold to all compliments. To never reveal my weakness and never accept sweet words. I'll just pretend to accept with a 'thank you'.

pictures taken from tumblr.

xoxo luv sapphirejest